Some Interesting Conversations
by MooSaidTheLiar
Summary: Emma questions the Glee Club  and Sue : Have you ever had sexual relations with someone of the same sex? AU. Mentions of Puckurt, Mike/Artie, Britt/Everyone, and probably others that I've forgotten for the moment.  This is for you korel.c.


This is the gang's reaction to their councilor's question: Have you ever had sexual relations with someone of the same sex? And Emma's inevitable rating of them upon the Kinsey Scale.

For Mr. C. ^w^

(This is AU, just to forewarn you. I prefer Puckurt and would like that to occur. The rest sort of… wrote themselves.)

_Kinsey Scale_

0 Exclusively heterosexual  
1 Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual  
2 Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual  
3 Equally heterosexual and homosexual  
4 Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual  
5 Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual  
6 Exclusively homosexual

Artie (1.25)

"I didn't mean for it to happen. Honestly. But you know, once you get it up it's hard to lose it. And he was _right there_ when it happened, not Tina, or Brittany, although at that point I don't think she'd have helped any. Hard-ons are hard to ignore when you have Yellow Fever and there's a hot Asian right next to you and…it wasn't like Mike was arguing or anything."

Brittany (4.50)

"Keeping up my reputation isn't cheating. Especially since Santana and I aren't dating. And even _she_ agreed that Kurt was cute – and for a guy he has soft lips too. Must be all those motorizing products he has. Unless he has a giant hole underneath that couch and he was planning to shove me down there. I didn't see a little dog, but all of that lotion can't only be for his face… Oh, but he wore his own skin so it must be okay."

Finn (0.50)

"It was the Emerald Greens man. I know what he did wasn't normal. Or good. Definitely not good, even if Little Phelps spurted all over my old T-shirt kinda like the hose that had colored our lawn not fifteen minutes before. But then he left with that chick and mom was so upset after… It was just better that I kept my mouth shut. And even if I had told her, she can't help with the fact that, when I actually can come, when I'm only helped along by my hand, I always see his face, his mullet, his surprisingly clean hands…

"The result ends up being worse than if I'd imagined the mail."

Kurt (5.99)

"My…interaction with Brittany was a mistake. First kiss down the drain, along with my respect of self. But I plan to give everything else to someone who loves me and vice versa. And I think I've got someone in mind…"

Matt (0.00)

"…No."

Mercedes (3.00)

"I haven't yet, but I won't take just anyone. They have _got_ to be able enough to handle all of _this_."

Mike (2.65)

"I've never been in an accidental relationship. Everyone I've been with, our interface has been planned out. Usually by my parents but that's only in the Asian community. _I_ planned that meeting with Artie. And Tina planned out our relationship, despite popular belief. Kurt and I… I think he planned that one out after Brittany took his first kiss. And Brittany plans out every sexual encounter she's been in. So, yeah… My relationship with someone who's spontaneous will be very different. I wonder if Mercedes is interested…"

Noah (5.75)

"Before Kurt, I would've said no. But he has a higher libido than me and if I reject him, giving him a reason like 'because we're in school' or 'your dad's in the next room' or some shit, he gets all emotional telling me that I regret ever getting with him and that I think he's ugly or fat and that's not cool. Seeing girls cry is fucking awful but when Kurt cries… He gets all quiet and red and hides his face, but whenever I try to, like, comfort him, he pulls away so I have to chase him down… Anyway, it isn't as if there's penetration or anything but he's given me blowjobs and stuff.

"…I think I love him.

"But you better not tell him that shit; he'd get even more emotional than he is already. Swear to god he's crazier than any chick – even Santana."

Quinn (1.00)

"Brittany wanted a perfect record and I just helped her along. But if you tell anyone, like my parents, or our pastor, I'll have you fired."

Rachel (2.60)

"Well, as you probably know, my two gay dads are very dear to me, and I'd love to make them proud by becoming a star. And, really, how many gay stars do you know? Who're popular, I mean.

"My first love was a girl. She was in my tap class for a month before she had to move away. She developed a type of leukemia and went to Washington DC where she got the best care imaginable and recovered wonderfully, very dramatic and exciting, but those few weeks… Oh, she was so talented and wonderful – she didn't even resent me for my _obvious_ talent like the other girls. I had thoughts of going on stage with her, like T.A.T.U., and singing duets about our love, looking deeply into her hazel eyes…

"But, as I said: She moved and that was the end of that. Until I met Finn…"

Santana (3.99)

"Puck and I are over because I refuse to be his beard. Britt's obsessed with wheeling that cripple around. So I'm pretty much asexual right now. Because I _refuse_ to please anyone else until Britt gets tired of Wheels – who I _know_ is interested in the Other Asian and _not_ the female one."

Sue (2.65)

"When I was younger, I never had eyes for anyone other than my sister. Our famous Nazi-hunter parents left us alone so often we rarely saw a working relationship in or around our household so, to make my sister feel better about possibly 'finding love', I took her to the park one day where we met the twins, Julian and Blaire, for the first time…

"Wait, why am I even here? I don't need to be psychoanalyzed, Alma; and I resent the insinuation that I _ever_ needed sexual gratification from someone else, regardless of gender."

Tina (2.90)

"Um, I- I've kissed a gir-girl before but we were at a summer camp and I haven't heard from her s-since."

Will (1.35)

"…Emma, I don't feel comfortable talking about this with you. I'm sorry but how would you feel if I asked you about your past relationships when we used to be…together?"

Emma (0.00)

"Will, I can't imagine why this would bother you so much unless you've been with another man before… Oh, in college? Uh-huh, and there was some experimental marijuana going around when it occurred…? Do go on, Will."


End file.
